Yes, it’s really been that long. And, yes, we’ve really continued to isolate most of the time. England’s shops and restaurants are now open, but we don’t really go into them, except for today. We went into the Petersham Nursery because I’ve been longing to buy some plant supplies. It was quite strange after around 4 months of not shopping (it’s been a long time since we’ve been grocery shopping as well because we’ve figured out how to have everything delivered), to have to deal with avoiding close contact with people while considering which items I wanted to purchase. Also, because of the one-way system, we had to be careful not to dawdle. I don’t want to call it “stressful”, but it really wasn’t fun.
I can’t imagine why people would wait in line to shop for clothes, etc. I’m at a point now, where I just don’t want to buy anything unless I really need it functionally.
So, this month I made a commitment to myself that I wouldn’t watch any movies,TV shows, etc. other than our date-night movie, which takes place on Saturday nights, and we are working our way through the James Bond flicks, so that’s not real is it 🙂
I wanted to be more present and I wanted to use my time more efficiently. Admittedly, June was mostly, in fact, entirely taken up with work activities, so it wasn’t like I’d been binge-watching, but I guess I realized that the limited time I have shouldn’t be taken up with (and I don’t want it to be taken up with watching my screen). Result: I have been cooking more and watching my plants grow a bit more. I’ve also managed to finally mail off some knitting projects that have been complete for more than a month. So this is good.
I stopped writing my isolation journal because it got too personal. The topics we were asked to write about cut too close to the bone, and frankly, life is hard enough at the moment, without having to explore my own emotional fragility. But I have missed writing and sharing, so I will try to pick it up again in my own way.
Today’s prompt: Reflect on all the colors that make up your emotional palette…
Um, yeah no challenge here. What I will say is that for the last two mornings, when I have longed for sleep the most, I have woken up too early. Both times with unpleasant dreams that leave me wondering, why? Why am I having these dreams and when can I return to my normal dead-to-the-world state of sleep?
Here’s one idea: I just finished reading Tim Winton’s Eyrie. Normally, I love his writing. It’s so descriptive and I dive right into it, almost wearing his words. This time it was so different. This story begins as usual…with his rich descriptions…
The building twitched in the wind, gave off its perpetual clank and moan of pipes, letting out the odd muffled scream.
and upon waking after a night of drinking, the main character, Tom Keely, takes stock of himself…
In the bathroom, before a scalding block of sunlight, he tilted at the mirror to see how far the eyes had retreated from the battlefield of his face. Above the wildman beard be was all gullies and flaky shale. His wine-blackened teeth the ruins of a scorched-earth retreat.
The toughest thing about this book is it’s never really clear what exactly is going on with Tom Keely. He was once a well-known climate activist (I think), but his career fell apart, he wife had an affair and got pregnant and left him – even after he begged her to stay and offered to keep the baby as his own. He seems to either be a drug addict, alcoholic, or have some kind of mental/physical illness. It’s not clear and it could be a combination of them all. But after 423 pages, I was still scratching my head wondering what had really happened in this book.
Anyway, I think it was sufficiently disturbing that it created bad dreams for me. It stirred up stuff from my past and present – things that are not resolved and may never be resolved and which normally I can keep at bay.
Something different, next time, please.
Fiona's World 
It’s amazing how long we have all been in this new world and even a simple going to buy some plants at a local nursery is now somehow a stressful outing.
And it’s a time for sure when we can change some of our less than ideal habit patterns, such as buying unnecessary stuff. Like you, I cannot imagine shopping for clothes or for much else other than the bare necessities, and yes, plants and the like that nurture us and add value to our lives.
I call this the great cleaning out time…..clearing out, sorting out, getting rid of all that isn’t necessary. It feels good.
And like you, I find that reading negative content and watching the same on TV, just brings my energy down and I need all of my energy in a good place so that I can be present for these times. So I support you in these choices which seem wise and for your best self.
Who knows how long these times will last. I admire that you have managed so well for these 125+ days that you have been pretty much at home for the most part.
You’ve stayed sane and kept a nice rhythm to your life, balancing work and creative activities which shows wisdom and insight, knowing what your system requires.
And because of you and others like you, the UK is now opening up and doing relatively well. Spare a thought for us in the US who are going backwards with no light at the end of this tunnel.
Good sleep is important. But perhaps those nightmares need to come to the surface to be seen and transformed. All in good time.
I hear that it’s enough to just deal with daily life at this moment!
It warms my heart to hear that you are knitting and cooking to balance the work stress and commitment. As well as getting into your little (although it’s getting bigger) garden. And the walks and bicycle expeditions, as well as the rowing. All good. All nurturing. All important for body, mind and spirit!
Thanks for your very thoughtful comments, Mom. xo